I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
