Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize