"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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