My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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