fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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