im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize