My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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