We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
