i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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