okay pat passed out under dana's car
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
