It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
