My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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