got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
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her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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