fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
