he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
