Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
