You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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