my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
