Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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