she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you had me at cake vodka
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
