I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
