we're blogging at a bar
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
