I just threw up on my dentist
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
