How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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