saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
