went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just threw up on my dentist
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is that strawberry winking at me??
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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