She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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