Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize