so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.