Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
