he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
