i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
