Need sex. Gaining weight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
