I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
