ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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