Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
