i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
How does one acquire holy water?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
