Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
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Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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