I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Randomize
