ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
