Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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