oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
