its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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