If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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