He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
