dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
