Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
