I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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