Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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