why didn't you poke me back
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
