This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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