I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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