I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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