i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
