She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
