I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
