If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
